Mile High Club

I think she’s pooping on a jet plane

When will they clean this place again

Oh  babe, I don’t  know…


Last week I became a member of the mile high club. I had the responsiblity of changing my daughter’s dirty diaper in the plane’s bathroom during mid flight.  It wasn’t easy and despite nearly getting a concussion, I got the job done…sorta

Did you know that the baby changing tables in those plane bathrooms are only slightly larger than the pull down food trays you’ll find on the seats?  How the heck am I expected to change a one year old baby on this? Are the big airlines exacting a level of payback since I didn’t need to buy a seat for an infant?

As I bent over and carefully balanced my daughter on a changing table roughly the size of a Manila folder, the plane hit a large pocket of turbulence and I somehow slammed my head into the bathroom wall. Ouch. As the plane shifted and bounced like a broken carnival ride, I could see the look of terror in my daughter’s eyes.  She’s NEVER experienced anything like this during her routine diaper change.

I was getting slammed all over this tiny bathroom , It wasn’t safe to stand while holding her so I figured it would be best if I sat on the toilet and held her until things subsided.  With my baby in my arms, I surely wasn’t going to touch anything in this filthy and horribly overused spaced. I still remembered a few moves from the Bruce Lee movies I watched as a young child it was time for me to draw from those fond memories.  With my right elbow, I slammed the changing table up and used my left leg to kick the toilet seat down in one fluid motion.  I was pretty impressed with myself and savored the moment briefly before planting down on the seat as I prepared for the next round of turbulence.

We rattled around for another minute or so and when it seemed like things had smoothed out for a few seconds, I jumped up, spun around 180 degrees, flipped the changing table back down, opened her diaper and it was clean! Whaaatt!? No pee…No poop….Not changing the diaper!

I closed everything back up “washed” my hands with my trusty hand sanitizer, and proudly walked out of the bathroom towards my seat.  They say time flies when you’re having fun, but fun can be hard to find when you’re flying like this.

About Andre Moore (109 Articles)
Atlanta based Food Writer, Essayist, Hunter/Angler, and World Traveler. I create meaningful experiences for my family and write about it.

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